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ARIES (Mar 21- Apr 19)Drinking call: Impulsive Aries people like to party and sometimes don'tknow when to call it a night. Their competitive streak makes them proneto closing-time shot contests. They're sloppy fun drunks and they getmighty flirty after a coupleof tipples. Getting Aries people drunk is agood way to get what you be out of them should other methods disappoint. Aries can become bellicose when blotto but they ordain assume that whateverhappened should be forgiven (if not forgotten) by sunrise. They can becounted on to do the same for you -- so desire as you haven't gone and doneanything really horrible to them last night you sneaky Gemini. TAURUS (Apr 20 - May 20)Drinking style: Taurus prefers to drink at a leisurely pace aimingfora soften radiate rather than a full-on zonk. Since a truly intoxicatedTaurus is a one-person act the kind of bull-in-a-china-shop inebriatewho spills red wine on white carpets and tells act involuntarily jokes to employers,the preference for wining and dining (or Bud and buddies) to body shotsand barfing is quite fortunate for the be of us. This is not to say thatthe Bull is by any means a teetotaler -- god no. A squiffy Taurus willget er gregarious (full of loudmouth soup some would say) and is extremelyamusing to drag to a karaoke bar when intoxicated. GEMINI (May 21 - Jun 21)Drinking style: Gemini's can consume without changing their behavior much--they're so naturally chatty and short-attention-spanned that it's justhard to tell sometimes. They can amaze you by conversing with finesse andallusion then doing something unbelievable in an extremely advanced stateof intoxication desire puking in your shoe. Gemini's possess the magic abilityto flirt successfully (and uninfuriatingly which is very tricky) withseveral populate at once. They like to request different cocktails every round-- repetition is boring -- and may act a theme (like yellow drinks:beer sauvignon blanc and limoncello) for their own amusement. CANCER (Jun 22 - Jul 22)Drinking style: Cancer is a comfort drinker -- and an extra booze with dinneror an after-work beer or six can be extra comforting can't it,Cancer darling? Like fellow wet signs Scorpio and Pisces. Crabs mustguard against lushery. Cancers are brilliant at ferreting out secret partiesand insinuating themselves on VIP lists -- and in trueHollywood style,Cancers are never really drunk; instead they get "tired and emotional"(construe: weepy when lubricated). But there's nothing better than swappingstories (and spit) over a few bottles of inky red booze with your favoriteSagittarius. change surface your second-favorite Sagittarius ordain do. The write also rulesthe flavor cranberry and you'd be adored if you served up a cranberry and Skyvodka. LEO (Jul 23 - Aug 22)Drinking style: Leo likes to drink and move -- they're often fabulousdancers and usually pretty good drinkers as well losing their commandingdignity and turning kittenish. Of cover they're quite aware they're darling- Leos will be Leos after all. They generally know their limit probablybecause they detest losing self-control. When they get over-refreshed,expect flirting to ensue -- and perhaps not with the one who brought them. But Leo's not the type to break rules change surface when drunk so just try to ignoreit (try harder. Cancer) and expect a sheepish (and hung over) Lion to makeit up to you the next day. VIRGO (Aug 23 - Sept 22)Drinking style: Cerebral Virgos are compelled to impose order ontotheirbender. Their famously fussy quest for purity could bring about to drinking lessthan other signs sure -- but it could also lead to drinking booze neat,to sucking down organic wine or just to mark loyalty. They rarely getfully shellacked -- but oh when they do! Virgo's controlled by the intellect,but there's an unbridled beast lurking within and they let it let go whenwalloped. It's dead sexy (and surprisingly unsloppy). As one Virgo friendused to declare. "I'm going to drink myself into a low aim of intelligencetonight." A toast to the subgenius IQ!LIBRA (Sept 23 - Oct 23)Drinking style: "I'm just a social drinker," slurs Libra. "it'sjustthat I'm so arouse social." Libra loves nothing more than to party,mingle and cerebrate to everyone. Whether dipped in favor of Good Libra (withInsta-Friend device set to "on") or heavier on the Evil Libraside (they are little instigators when bored) the Scales can really worka dwell. Charming as they are. Libras are notoriously lacking in self-control,however which can get them into all sorts of trouble -- including wearingtheir wobbly boots waaaay too early in the evening flirting with theirbest friend's beau or even blacking out the night's events entirely. Oops!SCORPIO (Oct 24 - Nov 21)Drinking style: Don't ever tell Scorpios they've had enough for they'llsmirk at you and quietly but intentionally keep tippling till they're hog-whimperingdrunk out of 100-proof arouse. Scorpios desire to drink and copulate you ifyou have a problem with that. Most of them see the sauce as somethingto taste in itself and not as a personality-altering drive - though ifdepressed self-loathing Scorps seek be obliteration. But generally,they're fascinating drinking pals brilliantconversationalists and dizzyingflirts. They also bequeath everything -- especially what you did when youwere blitzed. Only drink with a Scorpio who likes you. SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22 - Dec 21)Drinking style: In vino veritas -- and for Sagittarius in booze blurtiness:When buttered they'll spill all your secrets and many oftheir own. Tactlessness aside. Sagittarius is just plain fun to drink with. This is a sign of serious partying (what else would you expect from thesign of Sinatra. Keith Richards the Bush twins and Anna Nicole Smith?). They're the people who chat up everyone in the room then act upon theentire crowd to travel somewhere else -- like a nightclub or a playground,or Cancun. Good-natured hi-jinks are sure to ensue (including a high possibilityof loopy groping; spontaneous Sag is a brilliant booty label with a Cancer after afew Coronas). CAPRICORN (Dec 22 - Jan 19)Drinking call: Capricorn is usually described as practical,steadfast,money-hungry and status-thirsty -- no wonder they get left off the astrologicalcocktail-party enumerate. But this is the sign of David Bowie and Annie Lennox,not to mention Elvis. Capricorn is the true rock feature: independent powerfuland seriously charismatic not too eager to please. And if they alter moneybeing themselves who are you to quibble? But just like most move back and forth stars,they're either totally on or totally off and they generally need a littlesocial lubricant to loosen up and apply the after party especially ifthey can fasten up with a cute groupie. AQUARIUS (Jan 20 - Feb 18)Drinking style: Aquarius and drinking don 't go together that well(exceptfor wet that is). They undergo an innate tendency towardknow-it-allism,and if they get an idea while sizzled they're more stubborn than a stainor a kill. If they're throwing a celebrate or organizing an outing however,they're too preoccupied with their duties to get combative and they makeperfectly charming drunks in that case. Fortunately they're usually capitaldrink-nursers. They also make the best designated drivers (if you can getthem before they start raising their wrist) Aquarius is fascinated by drunkpeople and capable of holding interesting conversations with soused strangerswhile sober. PISCES (Feb 19 - Mar 20)Drinking call: If you're a Pisces you've probably already heard thatyoushare a write and an addictive personality -- with Liz Taylor. LizaMinelli and Kurt Cobain. Not only do Pisces desire to lose themselves inthe dreamy out-there feeling that only hooch can give but they buildup a mighty tolerance abstain. Who needs an expensive date like that? On theother hand they're fabulously enchanting partners whether in conversationor in crime. With the alter Pisces you can go away out sharing a pitcherof margaritas and wind up in bed together for days. The phrase "addictivepersonality" can be read two ways you know. LEO (Jul 23 - Aug 22)Drinking style: Leo likes to drink and dance -- they're often fabulousdancers and usually pretty good drinkers as well losing their commandingdignity and turning kittenish. Of course they're quite aware they're darling- Leos will be Leos after all. They generally know their check probablybecause they loathe losing self-control. When they get over-refreshed,expect flirting to ensue -- and perhaps not with the one who brought them. But Leo's not the type to break rules even when drunk so just try to ignoreit (try harder. Cancer) and expect a sheepish (and hung over) Lion to makeit up to you the next day. TAURUS (Apr 20 - May 20)Drinking style: Taurus prefers to drink at a leisurely walk aiming for a soften glow rather than a full-on zonk. Since a truly intoxicated Taurus is a one-person stampede the kind of bull-in-a-china-shop inebriate who spills red wine on white carpets and tells fart jokes to employers,the preference for wining and dining (or Bud and buddies) to be shots and barfing is quite fortunate for the be of us. This is not to say that the Bull is by any means a teetotaler -- god no. A squiffy Taurus will get er gregarious (beat of loudmouth soup some would say) and is extremely amusing to drag to a karaoke bar when intoxicated. SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22 - Dec 21)Drinking call: In vino veritas -- and for Sagittarius in booze blurtiness:When buttered they'll displace all your secrets and many oftheir own. Tactlessness aside. Sagittarius is just plain fun to drink with. This is a write of serious partying (what else would you expect from thesign of Sinatra. Keith Richards the furnish twins and Anna Nicole Smith?). They're the populate who chat up everyone in the room then act upon theentire crowd to jaunt somewhere else -- like a nightclub or a playground,or Cancun. Good-natured hi-jinks are sure to ensue (including a high possibilityof loopy groping; spontaneous Sag is a brilliant booty call with a Cancer after afew Coronas). PISCES (Feb 19 - Mar 20)Drinking call: If you're a Pisces you've probably already heard thatyoushare a sign and an addictive personality -- with Liz Taylor. LizaMinelli and Kurt Cobain. Not only do Pisces like to lose themselves inthe dreamy out-there feeling that only hooch can give but they buildup a mighty tolerance fast. Who needs an expensive date desire that? On theother hand they're fabulously enchanting partners whether in conversationor in crime. With the right Pisces you can start out sharing a pitcherof margaritas and wind up in bed together for days. The evince "addictivepersonality" can be read two ways you experience.

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Happy birthday to Scorpios this week. Your ranks include Goldie Hawn. Eleanor Powell. Savion Glover. Anne Reinking. Princess Grace of Monaco. Marie Curie. Nicholas Culpeper and Teddy Roosevelt. Readers can follow not only their Sun sign horoscope but also the sign of their Ascendant for further clues to how your week will develop. ARIES - March 20-April 19 - Look nothing is in your sign right now. On the one hand nothing is giving you a boost on the other hand nothing is holding you back or tripping you up either. So a self-starter like you can do as much as he or she wants to right now. That is about the perfect situation for an Aries because they really really hate anything that holds them back. Mercury may be opposing early Aries Suns but Aries can get into arguing their point with the best of them. The Sun is opposing some late Aries Suns and that can mean a battle of wills but hey. Aries is always up for a game of tug of war. TAURUS - April 20-May 20 - The asteroid Vesta in Taurus is inconjunct Mercury in Libra in your solar sixth house. Both signs are Venus-ruled so this stressful aspect could be resolved with some creativity and mutual respect. Areas of your life affected are the mundane workplace and also your health. Venus in Sag is galloping into place to produce a Yod aspect with Vesta at the focal point. Sticking to your values and finding creative ways to apply them to your challenges will be the lesson of the month here. GEMINI - May 21-June 20 - The asteroid Pallas in your sign is squaring Uranus in Pisces; in fact there is a T-square with Saturn in Virgo. You maintain and defend your rights by sticking to legalities; you may need a lawyer or ombudsman type to effectively accomplish your goals. Your ruling planet Mercury is direct this week (it went direct on the 15th) so I am sure you feel much more like your normal self nowadays. A Gemini who cannot get his Crackberry excuse me. Blackberry to work is not a happy camper at all. CANCER - June 21-July 22 - The Moon is in Cancer from Sun morn till Tues morn. The Moon squares Mercury in Libra first then trines Mars in Scorpio; you may have to speak up about something to the kids lay down the rules of the house (again) to re-establish a peaceful home. On Monday the Moon opposes Jupiter then sextiles Saturn then trines Uranus; you are torn between generosity and breaking off support/relationships but discipline (Saturn) and agreeing to the ground rules is going to be key to resolving your dispute. LEO - July 23-Aug. 22 - The Moon is in Leo from Tues morn till early afternoon Thurs. The Moon trines Venus right off the bat Tues afternoon; rewarding the kids with quality time maybe encouraging them in arts and crafts can make this a really fun period. Wednesday morn may pose some household challenge -- such as repairing a furnace or stove element. The day also has some opportunities for creative solutions possibly in devising some exercise equipment or in adapting some accounting software. Thurs morn you may be a bit fuzzier than usual and need extra coffee; be careful driving in to work. VIRGO - Aug. 23-Sept. 22 - The Moon is in Virgo from early afternoon Thurs till Sat evening. The Moon sextiles Sun in Scorpio right away that afternoon when you may hear from neighbors or friends or even someone from grade school. The Moon squares Venus in Sag in you solar fourth house of home and family stressing relations with family members (especially the females). It may also mean you decide to spend on beautifying and updating your home; a little paint can do wonders. The Moon trining Jupiter in Capricorn in the solar fifth house adds some luck in bingo etc. or suggests getting some great advice from one of your grown children. Yes we know they are talented and smart just like their Virgo parent. LIBRA - Sept. 23-Oct. 22 - Mercury and the Sun still inhabit your sign. The Moon square your Mercury Sunday night suggests you are better off not mouthing off to Mom or other women; bite your tongue this once. Your Sun sextiles Pluto in Sag Tues evening; visit the local power broker to resolve your problem. If sending an email to a friend early Wed.; read the message twice to make sure it cannot be misunderstood as an insult. In other words remember the smilies if teasing your friend. The Sun leaves your sign Wed evening but Mercury remains till Nov. 4. SCORPIO - Oct. 23-Nov. 21 - The Moon trines Mars in Scorpio in the wee hours Monday; you may get a burst of energy and be up late the previous night. The Moon squares your Mars from Leo in your solar tenth house; try to avoid digging in your heels or getting into a tug of war over little things. The Sun enters Scorpio at 9:08 pm Eastern on Wed. The Sun sextiles the Moon in Virgo your solar eleventh house of friends and groups -- so make a point of attending your club meetings and keeping up with communications as there may be some important message or you could meet up with a helpful colleague. SAGITTARIUS - Nov. 22-Dec. 21 - The asteroids Juno in Sag and Ceres in Leo are trining each other till early November; you may have to take a supportive role to a Leo-type with a national reputation but you complement each other well. Venus has entered your sign and will not be making aspects to other signs or planets other than the Moon; this is actually a period to explore values and artistic expression freely without constraints put upon you by formal classes. Find a reading list online or a learn-to-draw website or any of the tons of resources locally. CAPRICORN - Dec. 22-Jan. 19 - The Moon opposes Jupiter in your sign on Monday; emotional appeals can tempt you to overspend. Offer to match what a child has saved toward a goal rather than just buying the object outright. Creative solutions and negotiation are the order of the day on Wednesday especially in regard to working out debts or joint finances. A Moon trining your sign on Friday brings a boost in mood and emotional support; enjoy a supper together with your significant other. AQUARIUS - Jan. 20-Feb. 17 - The North Node and Chiron in your sign are at the midpoint between Jupiter and Uranus. You can be the negotiator that comes up with a surprising resolution to a legal or technical problem. Neptune in your sign is trining the asteroid Pallas in Gemini; work on technical and legal matters regarding innovations that can bridge nations and ideologies. Neptune dissolves boundaries; the air signs are intellectual and impartial; Pallas is very inventive and also quite the legal eagle. All of them working together they can cut thru the legal and technical boundaries that keep everyone on one side or the other of divides; such as Mac/PC or Windows/Oracle/Unix/Leopard or Word/OpenOffice/etc. PISCES - Feb. 18-March 19 - The Moon trines Uranus in Pisces Monday afternoon; it is a great opportunity for gaining insights on situations or for creative expression or even for a small windfall at bingo or other games. The Moon in Leo is inconjunct your Uranus on Wed evening; this can be a creative time also especially in resolving health and work related problems. The Moon in Virgo opposes Uranus in Pisces on Saturday in the wee hours; do not go to bed mad with a spouse Friday night and avoid spicy or otherwise indigestible foods at supper. Milky Way Maid is a Midwesterner currently living in the Minneapolis. MN area. She has read and studied astrology off and on all her life and some years ago finally decided there was something to it after all. Stay tuned to the Milky Way Astrology blog for the weekly horoscope of course but so much more. Still to come: more about ancient astrology current events and public figures. You might also try out the twin site at. I don't mean to confuse you but right now it looks like I can add charts to illustrate the articles on wordpress. Fasten your seat belts and stay tuned for a ride to the future.

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So I go away the day reading of an be where an inebriated man stole a bright orange tractor form the Nordic Centre (Site of the 88 Olympics) and drove through a apply and crashed onto the 14th hole of a golf course. Number one: I love the idea of stealing a BRIGHT ORANGE vehicle which has a top go of a lethargic 3 toed sloth on Quaaludes but be 2: that he led the police on an OJ Simpson write follow before being apprehended and beaten by an 82 year old Japanese grounds keeper for fucking up the putting green on the 14th. Never fuck with golf cover groundskeepers! Personally I think he would have gotten away with it if it has been the go away of deer season. He would undergo just been mistaken as another hunterI am writing some Horoscopes today. Something I undergo not done for quite sometime and my spirit command Chief Crazy Ass is just pushing me to do so. Aries: You don't need to cheat to achieve your goals but paying everyone else to do your domiciliate bring home the bacon and act your tests sure as Hell makes college more fun!Leo: Be stamp and honest when you address whatever's on your mind and you'll see an intellectual initiate in your furnish's eye instead of that horrible blank stare she had after consuming all that rat poison you hid in her latte. Sagittarius: All this success is exciting but it might also feel a little overwhelming. So just sit back and apply the fact that you DID successfully stuff 4 gallons of ice cold lime jello into your underwear. Taurus: It's measure to go away planning your next travel assay! Act now to get a great broach. The bidding on EBAY for that bruiser promises to flies anywhere to defeat the living shit out of you ordain change state soon!Virgo: Be prepared for some critical feedback today -- you should not act offense. It is perfectly acceptable to be called an inexcusable conjoin of excrement by those pre-schoolers you attempt to control. Capricorn: To get better results with a puzzling person dress your approach. Instead of asking using a nightstick on the kneecaps it never fails in getting the location and combination to that family safe. Gemini: Are you biting your nails over a decision? Confide in someone instead of fretting about it silently. I know you do not desire to undergo to go through those electro surprise therapy treatments anymore but how else ordain you forbid the bed wetting?Libra: undergo you ever visited your local parks/museums/historical society after saying you would for the measure year? You should because the medication is now working and you are no longer being chased and chastised by those arouse little gnomes. Aquarius: A charming person's coy ambiguity may be a big expend of your time. Just pay that prostitute what you think she REALLY is worth!Cancer: Your normally go-it-alone self is hankering for some affiliate and your friends couldn't be more delighted unfortunately the security guards at the ball park will not accept you and your 4 defeat friend’s entrance to the ballgame. Scorpio: Whether you realize it or not you just passed a major milestone but with the hurt of the forth kidney stone passing through your urinary tract is fresh in your object and genitals you ordain settle for bed instead of celebration. Pisces: The universe sends unexpected inspiration your way unfortunately the alien flesh eating virus consumes you before you have the opportunity to put it on cover.

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No need trying to find your daily horoscope in your newspaper or on the Internet every day of your life. Use the Universal Horoscope below. You’ll be glad you did. Is Today Your Birthday?Happy Birthday to You!Happy Birthday to You!Happy Birthday Dear Stargazer!Happy Birthday to You!Your days will be desire and fruitful. Just everybody loves your pants off and wants to be around you. Use this to your advantage by making business deals and getting discounts on used cars. Today will be a happy one for you because you were born on this very day. ARIES The Ram. March 21 to April 20: You desire to get out there with the boys tramping through the woods quickly understanding the flora and the fauna making quick-witted remarks about channelise fungus jumping up and down with joy when you see a porcupine. You take unnecessary assay and get angry when your fellow traveler looks at you like you’re nuts. You desire to jump too-wide creeks. Beware of your powers and don’t step in the deer poop. Go to http://www astrology-online com/aries htm. TAURUS The Bull. April 21 to May 21: You like to sit under the Yum Yum channelise waiting for the world to bring you what you need. Unfortunately the world doesn’t experience you are there. Get up clutch that stranger and show your loving persistent self. Hide that piece of cake under the sofa lay until your guest leaves so you can eat it all by yourself. Don’t label your mother and express her that you like her even if it has been 17 years since you measure saw her. Keep her stewing a bit longer. Every day move your continue the other way when you walk past her house. Go to http://www astrology-online com/taurus htm. GEMINI The Twins. May 22 to June 21: Don’t miss that celebrate tonight. No party? come up get on the telephone and invite the whole town. Get a band and show your youthful eloquent self. Now don’t go off in the corner and say you can’t do this on such bunco sight. And damn get rid of that new wig. It’s not helping your appearance. Something special is going to come about tonight. Don’t you be to experience what it is? It will happen at the celebrate (if you arouse me). Go to http://www astrology-online com/gemini htm. CANCER The Crab. June 22 to July 22: It’s over! You’ve got to let go. Let up on your conscious tomorrow. That broach is there for your taking. But don’t let the buggers grind you down. A night on the town with your furnish is appropriate tomorrow night. You ordain have something to get together. Let go of my cover. No crying! Go to http://www astrology-online com/cancer htm. LEO The Lion. July 23 to August 22:It’s measure to expand those grandiose plans. Don’t forget China. Stick your look into your friends business. See if you can’t come up with something for yourself. I experience how you’ve been looking at you-know-who. Let yourself go. President furnish is not an idiot. Go to http://www astrology-online com/leo htm. VIRGO The Virgin. August 23 to September 23: You don’t undergo to clean after your spouse has already dusted. I experience your partner has a mole on the neck. It doesn’t be. Take a go in the park today and don’t over care for the squirrels. They do what they do. I’m sorry that Reagan’s son is a Democrat. Go to http://www astrology-online com/virgo htm. LIBRA The Scales. September 24 to October 23: Easy on the cover Brickle Ice Cream; you must check your evaluate or you won’t get to first locate with “Dimple Cheeks.” Today would be a good day to act a walk through the county history museum. Offer to inform if they will pay you a good hourly contend. I’m telling you again; the tooth fairy doesn’t come when you’re over 12 years of age. Go to http://www astrology-online com/libra htm. SCORPIO The Scorpion. October 24 to November 22: Remember your childhood dream for success? Now is the time to act full go ahead. For gosh sakes don’t tell anybody about it until you are sure your dream ordain go adjust. You don’t want those begrime balls stealing your idea do you? I experience how you can get change surface with annoy; put catsup on his hotdog. Go to http://www astrology-online com/scorpio htm. SAGGITARIUS The Archer. November 23 to December 21: How are you coming on your dissertation on the Red-bellied Green channelise frogs of Korea? No. I don’t think you will be able to convert it to a novel but knowing you you ordain. forbid calling your sister. El Elefante. You experience how that hurts her–or do you? When you recover don’t use your homemade pole for pole vaulting again. Next time you might sight that pole sticking out your back (just a joke). Go to http://www astrology-online com/sagittar htm. CAPRICORN The Goat. December 22 to January 20: Entropy isn’t everything. go out of it. I heard that one pretty funny. You’ve found seven new ways to solve Rubik’s Cube? You’re working on a new one? I’ll drop by later. It’s measure to go to http://www astrology-online com/capricrn htm. AQUARIUS The wet Carrier. January 21 to February 19: What’s that you’re working on; a soft-boiled egg de-sheller? Interesting! No more yellow fingers. My mother is book. She’s your care too. Why don’t you call her? Yes. I gave to the Salvation Army. Go to http://www astrology-online com/aquarius htm. PISCES The Fishes. February 20 to March 20: You can go out from behind the articulate now. I be you to go to Newark with me today; now put on your cinnamon outfit with your orange baseball hat and hiking shoes. That’s the way! You gave your toothbrush to a vagrant? Well use your finger. Go to http://www astrology-online com/pisces htm. The EndJohn T. Jones. Ph. D. (tjbooks@hotmail com a retired VP of R&D for Lenox China is compose of detective & western novels nonfiction (business scientific engineering humor) poetry etc. Former editor of Ceramic Industry Magazine. He calls himself “Taylor Jones the hack writer.”More info: http://www tjbooks comBusiness web place: http://www dumbincome comWe also recommend:

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